advent

The lyrics to this well-known Christmas song have been the theme to what I am dwelling on this advent season.

Lately things have just been hard. I've seen girls that I work with experience some heartbreaking things. People close to me have experienced loss. I've known people to take their own lives away and others who have wondered if their lives are worth living. I've seen people who live with much and others who live with very little.

It is honestly overwhelming. However, these experiences could not have come at a better time. It is the season of advent that brings perspective. It is the season that we remember the specific reason we celebrate the birth of Christ.

The long-awaited savior came into this world in the most unexpected way. He was born into a situation which seemed so unfortunate but could not be any more beautiful.

This baby brought light.

His entrance to the world brought hope to all people. His light shined brightly in the darkness.

Things felt different. They felt better.

This baby changed everything.

This season of advent has helped me realize all over again that the birth of Jesus brought hope for the world.

As a follower of Jesus, with his spirit in me, have the ability to share that same hope in this world that feels dark with sad things happening day after day. 

This spirit that resides in us as believers brings peace in the midst of chaos,  joy in sadness, hope when all feels lost. 

In this dark world the spirit in us brings light.

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Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! Luke 2:9-11 

my anything story

Two years ago, I just moved to Little Rock, Arkansas from Jonesboro, AR. I spent my first year out of college teaching in Jonesboro, AR. Nothing in me felt settled there so I moved to Little Rock with full expectation to become settled, to become complete. I was moving into my second year of teaching in a wonderful school. My family was close by. Several of my friends were in Little Rock. Everything was going to be perfect (or so I thought). Instead, it was the opposite. There was a hole, a longing inside of me that I could not for the life of me meet on my own.

During this transition, I was reading the book Anything by Jennie Allen. It was hard-hitting in the best way. I was moved by the way that her and her husband both pray earnestly, seeking God and telling him that they would do ANYTHING for him, for his glory. That small prayer moved them in marvelous ways.. so much joy was beheld by them. The Lord was using their lives in ways they never dreamed of before. I wanted that for myself.

  On June 11, 2013. I prayed the prayer of anything. Little did I know that within only two years my  life would look completely different, in the best way possible. I wrote it down and I am so thankful that I did so that I could share it with you.

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Anything.

A prayer that will lead me from pride, selfishness, insecurity, fear, anxiousness, and much more. 

Over a bridge (that involves a face-plant, surrender of control, humiliation...and other difficult things- it is a challenge and a test of faith.

BUT. It will lead me to fall into God's steady arms. Into peace. Into undeserved grace, confidence, blessings, joy and things that are OF HIM.

I do not know what God wants my life to look like. I know what I want it to look like, but let's be real. God has called me to live above reproach. Not to be average. He has a high calling for me. I want it now--  I want to skip over the mistakes I have made and skip over the rebellion I feel in my heart to get there-- but I have to walk in his ordered steps to get there. 

I pray against my wandering, rebellious heart - Replace it with you. I desire for my heart to be full of passion and confidence in you -- and for a heart that longs to know you more.

Please help me get to know you better. 

To become acclimated in Little Rock and feel as if I belong somewhere here.

To build meaningful relationships with people -- friendships, family.

To give up my "want" or constant desire of husband and to place it in your hands, giving you complete control and trusting you in that area.

Thank you for chasing me and for waiting on me to come back to you. Lead me in your ways - the way you designed specifically for me.

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The prayer was not answered immediately. The following year after I prayed that prayer was difficult but so good. I eventually found my place in Little Rock, however, made mistakes and lacked authentic community. I felt restless with what I was doing with my life. I had my dream job, with a cute apartment and fun friends but something just wasn't right.

It was in November of that year that the Lord started to change things. 

I went to the Love Does conference in Austin, TX where I met Jennie Allen and began reading Restless. The next five months afterward served as a beautiful story of the Lord drawing me toward him and leading me down a path of true joy. To hear more about that story, click here.

Here I am, almost two years to the day that I prayed surrendering myself to the Lord.

A few big things have happened...

I moved away from Little Rock back to Fayetteville, AR, where I feel more at home than anywhere else.

I stepped out of teaching in order to go into full time ministry with YoungLives. I get to love on teen moms and help develop this ministry in all of Arkansas. I get to pursue a ministry that my heart is passionate about.

I left friendships in Little Rock that I love and still maintain but have stepped into a beautiful community in Fayetteville. I am loved, known, supported and prayed for.

I no longer feel the need to strive to fill a desire through gaining the approval of others, making mistakes, or in other ways. My heart is settled and filled with joy and peace because it has found its home in him alone.

I no longer feel restless. I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

He met me where I was (which was messy) and beckoned my heart toward him. He has answered every prayer. He has met every deep desire. He has provided every need.


My heart is grateful because He is faithful.

I stand in awe of what he has done. 

the warmth of the sun

 At last, a winter snow made it to Fayetteville. After being trapped inside for a few days I drove around and noticed something.

I noticed the way that even on a 30 degree day the ice and snow were melting to the warmth of the sun. All of the places that were exposed to the sun were completely dry. The icy parts in the shadows were still solid but slowly melting.

I think that is how God works in the lives of his people.

 Even in the coldness of our hearts and minds, his love, like the warmth of the sun touches us and changes us. As we are fully exposed to his light we are filled with his warmth and the layers fall. Even as we are in the shadows with what feels like no light at all, his love still reaches us and slowly melts, layer by layer, our hearts of stone. 

His love meets us where we are and beckons us toward him.

This strong, warm love is displayed to me each day as I work for YoungLives. Every day there is a new realization of how small I am and how I get to be a part of something big. I am a part of God's story as he is shedding his light on the lives of the teen moms I have come to know and love.

My friends have stories that are hard. Their stories are more difficult than I could have ever thought or imagined. Beyond anything I can do to repair. However, God began the process of repairing long ago. Even in the dark, difficult shadows these girls are facing, he shines his light on them in many gentle and powerful ways. His story is being written and I can trust him fully knowing he makes all things beautiful.